I had decided to go to Stocks to listen to wet my whistle and enjoy some amateur singing.
The last time I went to karaoke was with my predecessor Dev, who forced me and her boyfriend Eddard to sing “Hell on Heels.” Never again, I told myself as I looked through the giant tome of karaoke songs. I was excited to see AC DC’s “Big Balls,” but my happiness faded when I didn’t see “Satisfaction,” “Sympathy For The Devil” or “Gimme Shelter,” all of which are by The Rolling Stones.
Of the 54 songs by the Stones, you would think a karaoke disc jockey could get his hands on what could be considered three of the best Stones songs of all-time…okay three of the Stones songs of all-time as considered by Al Stover.
Just as karaoke began, I heard the bartender ask a man what he was going to sing. He rattled off some artists and tunes and going through his motions, as if he was preparing for a dance off with the Honky Tonk Man.
“I’m going up there and singing some Johnny Cash and then maybe some Garth Brooks before I do a little shake, rattle and roll.”
Just as karaoke was beginning, I struck up a conversation with a woman about music after she asked me what I was going to sing and my response had been “Give a few beers and we’ll see.”
Although I’m not the biggest country fan, I was intrigued by her love for Fleetwood Mac. She told me of memories where her daughter and friends would sing to the Judds and K.T. Oslin. I took her I was a fan of The Rolling Stones and other classics.
The gal also talked about her disdain for rap or heavy metal. I prayed that she didn’t turn her head because the big screen television was playing a Lil’ Wayne video. Following Lil’ Wayne came on Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines,” which I have compared to 2003’s “Shake Ya Tailfeather,” only with more controversy and bad dancing.
The woman finished her drink and I quickly chugged my Bud Light and ordered another. In the years I have been doing karaoke, I have learned that it takes a special kind of person to enjoy karaoke. They have to keep their cool in case one of their favorite songs gets butchered by the performer.
For those who like to sing, they have to keep their cool when someone perceives that they ruined their song. This doesn’t happen a lot, but when it does, it can influence a person never to want to try and sing that song again…for example I will never try to sing Metallica ever again. Still, if you have trouble getting into the groove of the karaoke environment, three to five beers can help you settle in.
Although the company was all right, the karaoke itself was you would expect. The disc jockey sang Bob Seeger’s “Turn the Page,” while his lady friend sang “I Will Survive.” These are good songs in their own right, but these are also songs that everyone sings at karaoke.
See, I believe that somewhere out there is a book of songs titled “Ballads Singers Must Belt Out at Every Karaoke Event.”
These are tunes must be performed whenever there is karaoke in order to please some sort musical deity, whose name is unpronounceable in any language known to man, but when translated it reads “Lord of Screeching Racket.” Two of the songs inside of this book are “Turn the Page” and “I will Survive.”
The woman took to the stage and began singing “Picture” by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock, another song that must be sang in order to please the music god. Sadly, I have never heard a good version of “Picture” performed at karaoke and it’s not the woman’s fault. The song goes downhill when the guy sings the lyric, “I was off to drink you away!”
In this case, the woman was doing great. She sounded more like Reba McEntire, but the fella, and God bless him, messed up the line. It wasn’t the worse performance of “Picture,” but it was still something I could have lived without.
When it comes to karaoke, the only good pitcher is the one that comes with beer.